Watching Your Mouth

(My home away from home, Fanlib.com, is shutting down August 4. With that in mind I've begun saving some of my articles and forum posts for posterity. This is a bit I wrote on dialogue for the Critique Forum.)

Ah, Dialogue.....I hate it! By far, narrative is the most enjoyable part of a writing a story for me. I even enjoy shows that have sparse dialogue scattered among many intimate and quiet moments. There's just something about the way beings interact when they're not speaking that appeals to me. But, alas, fiction cannot live on description alone - there must be (spoken) words! And "life and death is in the power of the tongue."

When I approach dialogue I use a formula. I didn't know I used a formula, but now that you ask, I believe I do. I'm not the best dialogue creator in the world, but you may try it if you wish. So in a scene where Mr. Spock has to go to Captain Kirk's quarters (Yes I'm using Start Trek as an example, bear with me here) and confess that he's the one whose been sabotaging the ship - Spock walks into the room, we get all the necessary descriptive bits, and then comes dialogue.

In deciding what Spock says, I find myself asking four questions, each with a different amount of freedom in the answer.

1. What could he say? Anything goes. This question is only limited by what my imagination can come up with. So I could go casual, "Howdy, Jim! I threw a wrench in the warp core!" Or maybe pathetic, "Please forgive me! I did something so totally heinous!" Perhaps with a bit of humor, "Guess who broke the port nacelle. Dooda! Dooda!" Like I said, just pushing all the boundaries to find something fresh.

2. What should he say? This is really a question of my own personal feelings and ethics. If I were in the situation, what would I do? Should I stand my ground or apologize profusely? Should I sugar coat it or be blunt? Believe it or not these questions will effect what my characters say and how I think they should act.

3. What would he say? The answers to this question are limited to what I know of the character, as played and written by the professionals who brought him to life. Spock is a logical creature, but he is also Kirk's best friend. He is half Vulcan, but his human side does rear it's head in these types of situations. In this story they have known each other for a long time. From these facts I can assume that his lines will be intense and to the point. Tender, yet blunt - and above all, truthful.

4. What must he say? The answer is a very specific group of lines based on the plot needs at this point. For the plot to move forward at this point, Spock must confess his sabotage, tell Kirk why, and say something meaningful that will keep their friendship intact.

So, having answered my four questions I come up with a first draft of dialogue:

"Captain, I am coming to you now, not as an officer of the Enterprise, but
as your friend."

"Of course. What is it, Spock?"

"Jim, I am afraid I was the culprit who sabotaged the Warp Core."

"What? You? Why, Spock?"

"I knew that prefect Valij would relieve you of duty and most likely
commandeer the ship the moment we got to the Neutral Zone. Logic and my own
conscience dictated that I do something to prevent us from getting there, even
if it meant harming the Enterprise. I can only hope you will forgive me, though
I will understand if you are forced to take disciplinary action."

"I think we can skip the court martial this time, my friend."

There. Not perfect, but workable :)

Broody is Better

He steels his focus on you, flexing every muscle in his perfectly cut jaw line. Someone is up to moral standard breaking, poor oppressing, woman disrespecting - in a word, evil. From the near-tears in his eyes and the hard set of his delicious features, you know that he'll do whatever it takes to protect, love, and fix the problem. He bleeds for the side of right, and, gosh-darn-it, you love him for it.

He is the subject of my. . . interesting mash-up here. He is the Broody Boy - the hero that's not always the lead, but you think he should be. And when he is the lead, "Oh!" what joy. He fills up the movie/show/novel like steaming-hot bath water. Other stories are built around a theme, but when the Broody Boy gets inside of the tale, it just grows.

So you find that characters like Daniel Jackson from Stargate, Doctor Who (I'm partial to #10), Cleric John Preston of Equilibrium, and Star Trek's Mr. Spock not only delight you, but meld you into the story so completely that you can still hear his voice long after you've left the theater or turned off the plasma. He is the light of the good and the courier of the whole point. And Broody Boy is not necessarily the quintessential good guy. Sometimes he's just the bad boy that fell down a rabbit hole into "right land." (ie: Angel and Spike from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Jayne from Firefly/Serenity)

If you have yet to enjoy the Broody Boys of entertainment, I do suggest giving them a try. You may have already fallen in love with one, without knowing it. Here's a short list of Broody leading men.

1. Harry Potter. Come on. Sooooo broody.

2. Edward Cullen of Twilight fame. He's a vampire. He can't help it.

3. "Blondie" (Clint Eastwood's character in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly)

4. "Neo" from the Matrix trilogy. Anyone who wears that much black. . .

5. Horatio Cain, CSI: Miami. So the one-liners are cheesy. You can forgive a Broody Boy a fault, can't you?

(Broody Boys mash-up created by me for csibeauty's Why Choose contest on Fanlib.com)

Whedon Drops the Hammer

. . . like he always does. Your watching along, giggling school girl-like in front of your monitor and wondering if the fun will ever, ever stop. Then "Bang!" it happens - the kitschy superhero comedy you were thrilling to turns into some super serious social commentary. I mean, I hate to ruin the movie (don't worry, it's ruin-proof) in oh so cliche fashion, but....she dies in the end.

What? Wait...Why am I surprised? Isn't this why I watch Joss Whedon merchandise? Why, yes it is! I wasn't really expecting anything less from Dr. H's Blog. So how is he still able to shock me like this?

I suppose he's my kind of creator. Please understand, I hate joining fan clubs. They're usually creepy and smell of sweaty junior highers who haven't bathed since they lined up for the attraction last week. But I can't help it. The more I watch Act III of Dr. Horrible, I get this strung out sensation of intimate deeper meaning, while, at the same time, strongly suspecting that his work has no deeper message than what the characters do right in front of my face. It's almost enough to SQUEE. (I said almost - don't push it.)

If you enjoy good screen candy, this is for you. If you want your fiction to have a message - also for you. If you're more like my favorite line from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and you "don't give an ass rats," you still have a comfy place in Whedondom.

(Note from the author, editor, and post master [because they're all me]: I wrote this at 1 am, so feel free to let me know just how kooky and badly written it really is. Seriously. It'll be a good laugh when I wake up. I kid - I'll make corrections as they're needed. Thanks. *cheesy grin and wink here* )

The Secret Pavarotti Compartment

Watching the second act of Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, I came to an old conclusion once again. Everyone in Hollywood must have a secret Pavarotti compartment on them. Unlike old Hollywood, where you had to proclaim your ability to sing, dance, and act on your resume, new Hollywood asks that you hide your vocal abilities until some talented and enterprising creator (such as Joss Whedon) asks to borrow them for a project. Judy Garland and Gene Kelly would have been a bundle of surprises in modern Hollywood.

I first saw the SPC principle at work when my college dorm mates forced me to watch Moulin Rouge. I hated it. But I couldn't take my ears of Ewan McGregor. Obi wan can sing? Well? Get out! Then there was the musical Buffy episode. That was a whole new revelation. Joss Whedon writes musicals? Decent musicals? No way! Now there's Dr. H and his fabu Sing-Along, and the strange sensation of Mal Reynolds (yes, I know - his real name is Nathon Fillion) performing his chords out.

So what other performers are hiding gold in the Secret Pavarotti Compartment. What would Stargate SG-1 have been with a musical episode? I would certainly have loved to hear Daniel Jackson angsting in song for all his lost loves, and wouldn't Sam Carter have a perfect swan song in "Why Do All My Love Interests Die?" Of course the coup de gras must be Col. Jack O'Neill singing the jazzy number "Magnets: The Answer is Magnets."

The Rave About Soundwave

I talk about the Decepticon Soundwave's reported appearance in the second Transformers movie on No Hiatus tomorrow. In the article I make some not-so-kind comments about the robot's geeky eighties persona. The monotone voice. The tape cassette altermode. The red, white and blue color scheme. How could I resist? I can't help but wonder What's the Rave About Soundwave?

Soundwave was the intelligence guy on the original cartoons. He ran around seeking information for Megatron to then go and destroy. I suppose that's the ideal job for such a robot. In some comics and toons he was Megatron's right hand bot (instead of StarScream as it was in the movie) and could be even darker than his boss.

Under those descriptions, I think we have a pretty juicy character. I can see why Roberto Orci and crew would want him on board for Revenge of the Fallen. But just in case they haven't already thought of it (don't worry, they have) here are three ways to make Soundwave not a mountain of cheese:

1. Get rid of the monotone. Sorry, but I can't even take those monotone answering machine vocals seriously. Please, give Soundwave a voice!

2. Bring his design into the twenty-first century. That shouldn't be a problem. The production design team for the first movie already did that with Prime, Megatron, and the rest. I can only hope they abandon the "All-American Decepticon" color scheme.

3. Alternate altermodes. Let's face it - half the technology that Soundwave transformed into in the 80's is now totally obsolete. Do they even make those microcassete recorders anymore? Maybe it will be a digital camera or a Black berry. Hmm, I smell product placement.

Unequaled Brain Power

Equilibrium fans welcome you...to use your brain!

I originally looked up the Equlibrium fansite in order to research a story. What I found was an intimate group of e-friends who's IQs easily out-matched mine. Smart fans from around the world had somehow instinctively converged on this one spot, celebrating Kurt Wimmer's slightly-less-than-popular, post-apocalyptic flick.

At first, it was like finding lost relatives. It was amazing to be apart of a group who appreciated good science fiction as much as I did. But then I read more of the forum posts. The majority of the discussions involved the psychology, history, and philosophy of the human race (the cream of Wimmer's themes). There was actually a thread entitled "History and Philosophy." Even the younger users seemed to have the utmost of insight when it came to the human machine and it's portrayal in Equilibrium. My immediate thought: "I'm waaaayyy out of my league."

Can it be true? A fandom that includes no "What's your fav paring!!!!!" thread? No "OMG THE LEADING MAN IS SOOOO HOOOOTTTT!" I'm in shock. I have nothing to loathe on this site. No teenie bopper antics to turn my nose to nor shake my head at! How will I ever survive?

I stayed on and read a bit - participated in a few writing threads - and found a modern day classroom. If you're ever there, may I suggest the writings of user Aedh. He is, after all, the "Resident Evil Genius."

Where Can I Get a Sword?

Did you know that you can watch every episode of Highlander anytime at Hulu.com? I just found out this week. Guess what I've been doing ten hours a day. Nerd Alert!

Yep, I've been having the ultimate Highlander marathon with my good friends Duncan MacLeod and gimpy, old Joe Dawson (my fav). Highlander was another one of those uber-hero shows that were so popular in the nineties. There was also The Legendary Journeys of Hercules and Xena: Warrior Princess, both of which were subjects of my girlhood "homework parties" on weeknights. Don't tell Mom, but no homework ever got done during an episode of Hercules, Xena or Highlander.

These were perfect heroes. In the nineties, Mary Sue and Gary Stu reigned triumphantly. The creators of Highlander and the like, managed to build an atmosphere in which the perfect man/woman could exist. These heroes kept going until all others had given up or fallen. They never turned down the wrong path, but for the rare occasions when it was the right thing to do. And most spectacularly, all of their opponents either came over to their side after a heart-felt chat, or died for their misguided ideals. (Which usually turns into a light show on Highlander. Oooo, pretty!)

In the case of Hercules and Xena, we have a viable background in the Mary's and Gary's of Greek Mythology. Have you ever read the Iliad or the Odyssey? There's Odysseus and Achilles just to start! And of course in Highlander you're dealing with immortals that may have lived during those glory days, and therefore pulled that mentality of honor, nobility, and dogged perfection of character into the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. Totally realistic? No. Without cheese? Definitely not. I'm saying they have a basis in the literature and culture of old.

So, for the rest of the summer, I plan to watch dazzling sword fights and enjoy the never ending parade of unlikely scenarios and impossible heroes. In my noggin, they are all real. That's the way the world should work.