The Dark Side of Description: Evil Adjectives In Sci-Fi

Adjectives can be evil in any genre. Evil adjectives are never more powerful than Lightside adjectives, but they are the easier, more beckoning. *wink, wink* There are certain modifiers that should, in this bloggers opinion, get the user flogged if used in science fiction. Whether you are a fan fic newbie or an award-winning author - please, I beg you, stay away from the darkside of description!

As lists seem to be required in all blog entries now, here's mine - Five descriptions that should never be seen in science fiction literature:


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1. "Futuristic City." Ouch. If the characters travel in time and land in the future, any city they land in will be a "futuristic" city. Description of places yet to be seen should feel organic. Is there pink grass in this future? Are all the buildings topped with minarets? This, by the way, goes for any future object, spaceship, ray gun, etc. Is it dusty, rusty, musty - throw a reader a bone!




2. "Metal Robots." Ermmm - duh. A robot automatically portrays a thing made of metal. The only reason to stick a one word adjective in front of the word "robots", is to differentiate from that preconception. How about organic robots or ceramic robots? Robots made of individualized heavy water molecules, Eh? If the point is that these bots are shiny and silver then say so. Can you type "C-3P0?"


3. "Super Powers." We get it. Joe's a super hero. But calling his laser vision a "super" power in every paragraph gets old. And simply saying someone has super powers leaves the reader feeling vague-ish. The best way to describe an ability that's beyond the range of the average human is to let that power unfold before the readers eyes. Does Joe feel a little feverish? Do his eyes itch? What's happening? When his crush is suddenly in peril, does the bad guy he's staring down spontaneously burst into flames? Ooooh! That's handy!







4. "Aliens From Outer space" Oy! Albeit, I don't see this one very often, but when I do, the groan fest is never ending. I understand that "aliens" can mean people from another country (ie: "illegal aliens") but you are writing science fiction, for Spock's sake. We know the aliens are from outer space! Name those poor aliens! Are they Vulcans? Are they Outerspace-ians? Maybe the little green men hail from Uranus? Wherever your aliens were brewed, they deserve a home of there very own.




5. "Faster-Than-Light, Warp, Hyper Drive." This future tech needs a new face. Battlestar Gallactica calls it "FTL." Acronyms are a start. Star Trek made "Warp Drive" famous, so if you write fan fic, you're stuck with that specific appellation. But if you are inventing your own universe, at least try for a new name for the light speed concept. Doctor Who simply calls them engines and travels in time, totally avoiding the issue. Does your future society fold space, create a bubble outside normal time and space? Is it Fold Drive or Bubble Drive or Super-Fast-Fun Drive? Understanding the mechanics of your future tech will most likely give you an out for the typical "warp" drive conundrum.



*Screen capture of Libria courtesy of Marta on the Equilibrium fansite.

Five Things That Would Improve the Twilight Series

***Note: I adore the Twilight books Every one of the following suggestions changes something I absolutely loved about the series. They truly are my guilty pleasure. Nevertheless, as a writer, I have to admit that there are a few ways in which the Twilight series could be made *gasp!* better. (I roll my eyes, realizing that someday someone is going to be doing this to my books) I think it's time for a critique from one of those rabid fan girls everyone loves to satirize. ***



1. Start Bella off as the typical teen. Let her go out with Mike and tick Jessica off. Have her give in to Tyler’s persistence, all the while loving that she’s getting all that positive attention. Sure, show us that Edward hates it and secretly covets her. I am certain a clever girl like Miss Swan would soon notice Mr. Cullen’s deep affection and grow out of the flirty attention-grabbing teeny-ness.

2. Make the Cullens mythical creatures - Yes. Vampires - No! Granted, the fact that vampires are fictional to begin with, makes their mythos seem wide open for re-interpretation. However, that does not mean people will love you if you completely slaughter it! Perhaps the Cullens could be “night walkers” and would only become full-fledged vampires if they made a constant diet of humans. That would leave Jasper with some awesome back-story. Maybe if he were still sporting fangs from his “bad days”, he would seem more menacing and less plain ole weird. If the Volturi actually had fangs and burned in sunlight, the final battle in Breaking Dawn might have been more fight and strategy, less talk and cry.

3. Keeping # 2 in mind, imagine that first “are you a vamp” talk in the shiny Volvo. It would have been even more intense if part of the conversation included explaining the difference between vegetarian, sparkling night walkers and pointy-toothed, flammable vampires. Let’s skip the whole soul/no soul conflict all together by having these creatures realize by their very images who does and does not have a soul.

4. Keeping #s 2 and 3 in mind, Bella would have to be a disturbed little thing to want to join the Cullen Clan - to risk fangs and eternal darkness to be with her love. How’s that for more depth? Instead of a moan fest in New Moon, Bella could have lost all her friends due to complications from Prozac. ;)

5. Super hot teenage male goes 108 years without sex? Come on, Edward! Does Undead = Eunuch? If my immortal soul were on the line, I’d hope to have incredible moral fortitude, too; but let us have at least one slip up in a century to give the story some reality. At least he could have a few snog fests with those vamp gals from Alaska. Give Miss I-Hate-Small-Towns a run for her money!

Watching Your Mouth

(My home away from home, Fanlib.com, is shutting down August 4. With that in mind I've begun saving some of my articles and forum posts for posterity. This is a bit I wrote on dialogue for the Critique Forum.)

Ah, Dialogue.....I hate it! By far, narrative is the most enjoyable part of a writing a story for me. I even enjoy shows that have sparse dialogue scattered among many intimate and quiet moments. There's just something about the way beings interact when they're not speaking that appeals to me. But, alas, fiction cannot live on description alone - there must be (spoken) words! And "life and death is in the power of the tongue."

When I approach dialogue I use a formula. I didn't know I used a formula, but now that you ask, I believe I do. I'm not the best dialogue creator in the world, but you may try it if you wish. So in a scene where Mr. Spock has to go to Captain Kirk's quarters (Yes I'm using Start Trek as an example, bear with me here) and confess that he's the one whose been sabotaging the ship - Spock walks into the room, we get all the necessary descriptive bits, and then comes dialogue.

In deciding what Spock says, I find myself asking four questions, each with a different amount of freedom in the answer.

1. What could he say? Anything goes. This question is only limited by what my imagination can come up with. So I could go casual, "Howdy, Jim! I threw a wrench in the warp core!" Or maybe pathetic, "Please forgive me! I did something so totally heinous!" Perhaps with a bit of humor, "Guess who broke the port nacelle. Dooda! Dooda!" Like I said, just pushing all the boundaries to find something fresh.

2. What should he say? This is really a question of my own personal feelings and ethics. If I were in the situation, what would I do? Should I stand my ground or apologize profusely? Should I sugar coat it or be blunt? Believe it or not these questions will effect what my characters say and how I think they should act.

3. What would he say? The answers to this question are limited to what I know of the character, as played and written by the professionals who brought him to life. Spock is a logical creature, but he is also Kirk's best friend. He is half Vulcan, but his human side does rear it's head in these types of situations. In this story they have known each other for a long time. From these facts I can assume that his lines will be intense and to the point. Tender, yet blunt - and above all, truthful.

4. What must he say? The answer is a very specific group of lines based on the plot needs at this point. For the plot to move forward at this point, Spock must confess his sabotage, tell Kirk why, and say something meaningful that will keep their friendship intact.

So, having answered my four questions I come up with a first draft of dialogue:

"Captain, I am coming to you now, not as an officer of the Enterprise, but
as your friend."

"Of course. What is it, Spock?"

"Jim, I am afraid I was the culprit who sabotaged the Warp Core."

"What? You? Why, Spock?"

"I knew that prefect Valij would relieve you of duty and most likely
commandeer the ship the moment we got to the Neutral Zone. Logic and my own
conscience dictated that I do something to prevent us from getting there, even
if it meant harming the Enterprise. I can only hope you will forgive me, though
I will understand if you are forced to take disciplinary action."

"I think we can skip the court martial this time, my friend."

There. Not perfect, but workable :)