Thursday, January 8, 2009

Five Things That Would Improve the Twilight Series

***Note: I adore the Twilight books Every one of the following suggestions changes something I absolutely loved about the series. They truly are my guilty pleasure. Nevertheless, as a writer, I have to admit that there are a few ways in which the Twilight series could be made *gasp!* better. (I roll my eyes, realizing that someday someone is going to be doing this to my books) I think it's time for a critique from one of those rabid fan girls everyone loves to satirize. ***

1. Start Bella off as the typical teen. Let her go out with Mike and tick Jessica off. Have her give in to Tyler’s persistence, all the while loving that she’s getting all that positive attention. Sure, show us that Edward hates it and secretly covets her. I am certain a clever girl like Miss Swan would soon notice Mr. Cullen’s deep affection and grow out of the flirty attention-grabbing teeny-ness.

2. Make the Cullens mythical creatures - Yes. Vampires - No! Granted, the fact that vampires are fictional to begin with, makes their mythos seem wide open for re-interpretation. However, that does not mean people will love you if you completely slaughter it! Perhaps the Cullens could be “night walkers” and would only become full-fledged vampires if they made a constant diet of humans. That would leave Jasper with some awesome back-story. Maybe if he were still sporting fangs from his “bad days”, he would seem more menacing and less plain ole weird. If the Volturi actually had fangs and burned in sunlight, the final battle in Breaking Dawn might have been more fight and strategy, less talk and cry.

3. Keeping # 2 in mind, imagine that first “are you a vamp” talk in the shiny Volvo. It would have been even more intense if part of the conversation included explaining the difference between vegetarian, sparkling night walkers and pointy-toothed, flammable vampires. Let’s skip the whole soul/no soul conflict all together by having these creatures realize by their very images who does and does not have a soul.

4. Keeping #s 2 and 3 in mind, Bella would have to be a disturbed little thing to want to join the Cullen Clan - to risk fangs and eternal darkness to be with her love. How’s that for more depth? Instead of a moan fest in New Moon, Bella could have lost all her friends due to complications from Prozac. ;)

5. Super hot teenage male goes 108 years without sex? Come on, Edward! Does Undead = Eunuch? If my immortal soul were on the line, I’d hope to have incredible moral fortitude, too; but let us have at least one slip up in a century to give the story some reality. At least he could have a few snog fests with those vamp gals from Alaska. Give Miss I-Hate-Small-Towns a run for her money!