Five Things That Would Improve the Twilight Series

***Note: I adore the Twilight books Every one of the following suggestions changes something I absolutely loved about the series. They truly are my guilty pleasure. Nevertheless, as a writer, I have to admit that there are a few ways in which the Twilight series could be made *gasp!* better. (I roll my eyes, realizing that someday someone is going to be doing this to my books) I think it's time for a critique from one of those rabid fan girls everyone loves to satirize. ***



1. Start Bella off as the typical teen. Let her go out with Mike and tick Jessica off. Have her give in to Tyler’s persistence, all the while loving that she’s getting all that positive attention. Sure, show us that Edward hates it and secretly covets her. I am certain a clever girl like Miss Swan would soon notice Mr. Cullen’s deep affection and grow out of the flirty attention-grabbing teeny-ness.

2. Make the Cullens mythical creatures - Yes. Vampires - No! Granted, the fact that vampires are fictional to begin with, makes their mythos seem wide open for re-interpretation. However, that does not mean people will love you if you completely slaughter it! Perhaps the Cullens could be “night walkers” and would only become full-fledged vampires if they made a constant diet of humans. That would leave Jasper with some awesome back-story. Maybe if he were still sporting fangs from his “bad days”, he would seem more menacing and less plain ole weird. If the Volturi actually had fangs and burned in sunlight, the final battle in Breaking Dawn might have been more fight and strategy, less talk and cry.

3. Keeping # 2 in mind, imagine that first “are you a vamp” talk in the shiny Volvo. It would have been even more intense if part of the conversation included explaining the difference between vegetarian, sparkling night walkers and pointy-toothed, flammable vampires. Let’s skip the whole soul/no soul conflict all together by having these creatures realize by their very images who does and does not have a soul.

4. Keeping #s 2 and 3 in mind, Bella would have to be a disturbed little thing to want to join the Cullen Clan - to risk fangs and eternal darkness to be with her love. How’s that for more depth? Instead of a moan fest in New Moon, Bella could have lost all her friends due to complications from Prozac. ;)

5. Super hot teenage male goes 108 years without sex? Come on, Edward! Does Undead = Eunuch? If my immortal soul were on the line, I’d hope to have incredible moral fortitude, too; but let us have at least one slip up in a century to give the story some reality. At least he could have a few snog fests with those vamp gals from Alaska. Give Miss I-Hate-Small-Towns a run for her money!

A Good Month to Anime

April 2009 marks the release of FOX's live action Dragonball project. The new trailer looks great to me, but fans of the anime hit are reportedly a little less than impressed. According to articles on imbd.com and dbthemovie.com, FOX apparently got all the action wrong. While I am a long time fan of Chow Yun Fat and James Marsters, and have high hopes for Emily Rossum in leather and purple hair, I have to worry about the fate of a film that can't even draw it's own fan base.

Personally, I love the look of Justin Chatwin as Goku. We all know looks aren't everything; but if the movie flops, can't I at least keep the pics on my desktop?




P.S. One question for the film makers: Why do we have to put the word "Evolution" as a subtitle for every action flick out there? I mean, really! Is this like the early ninties obsession with "Extreme?" Oy!

Don't Tell Mom - I've Gone British

It's a sad confession that I find myself bored with America, or American television rather. So I'm moving my sights across the pond, if you'll pardon the expression. No. Don't try and stop me. No mention of tired forensics dramas and misplaced science fiction will draw me back, no matter how fresh it pretends to be.

I now live on BBC America and spend my time shuffling through every DVD and clip of Doctor Who, The Friday (Sunday) Night Project, Primeval - ok, so just look up the schedule and pick a show. I've downloaded the soundtracks and watched the fanvids on YouTube. I've researched the accents and phraseology. Let's face it - I'm halfway to begging a dual citizenship! I told you it was sad.

In all reality, there are still a few shows created in my homeland that I adore. I can still sit through a marathon of Law and Order. Boston Legal frequently intrigues me. And if I could do nothing all day but revel in the morality tales that are episodes of Star Trek, I surely would. But I think I've drained the tap of brilliance in America - on to the country where, apparently, every thing is brilliant!

Immortals and Immortals that Bite

Two things: What I did while I was away and what I found when I got back.



Last things first. I opened up my new Internet connection on my new computer today and found the most exciting rumor. Highlander is back? According to fancast.com, SCIFI Wire, and Joblo.com, that is a distinct possibility. Yippee? I don't know. While the mention of Highlander is enough to make this long time fan drool on my mouse, this has the potential to be extra stinky with a side of Rotten Tomatoes.

Hey, and actor Kevin McKidd is possibly attached to the project. As an actual Scotsman, he has the potential to bring some real life into the character (Is it Connor or Duncan?). The writers of the recent box office hit, Ironman (you've heard of it, right?) are reportedly doing the writing for this shindig. Here's hoping all of the evil rumors about Hollway and Marcum are just that.



Well, what did I do while I was lost and alone in no Internet land? They're called books - amazing, huh? Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice, the Star Wars Young Jedi series, a little Ben Bova, and -the breakout hit of my blackout days - The Twilight series! I know. I'm a tad behind. Eight books, eight days, and two read-throughs. It was a real party and I am now a really big fan of Stephanie Meyers'

The new trailer came out a few days ago. I was thrilled to see that the film seems to keep with the spirit of the book fairly well. I was a little disappointed not to see Jacob in there, but I can understand if they had to wash over his small part in the first book because of time constraints. I can understand, but I'll still be pouty. ;)

The biggest thing that perturbed me, and it's wierd, is the fact that James isn't desheveled enough. Am I the only one that pictured him a lot more...ermmm...dirty? He's supposed to have been running across the US with no lodgings, or change of clothes, or shower. But he seems. . .pretty in the trailer. Mean, but pretty.


Twilight in HD

Broody is Better

He steels his focus on you, flexing every muscle in his perfectly cut jaw line. Someone is up to moral standard breaking, poor oppressing, woman disrespecting - in a word, evil. From the near-tears in his eyes and the hard set of his delicious features, you know that he'll do whatever it takes to protect, love, and fix the problem. He bleeds for the side of right, and, gosh-darn-it, you love him for it.

He is the subject of my. . . interesting mash-up here. He is the Broody Boy - the hero that's not always the lead, but you think he should be. And when he is the lead, "Oh!" what joy. He fills up the movie/show/novel like steaming-hot bath water. Other stories are built around a theme, but when the Broody Boy gets inside of the tale, it just grows.

So you find that characters like Daniel Jackson from Stargate, Doctor Who (I'm partial to #10), Cleric John Preston of Equilibrium, and Star Trek's Mr. Spock not only delight you, but meld you into the story so completely that you can still hear his voice long after you've left the theater or turned off the plasma. He is the light of the good and the courier of the whole point. And Broody Boy is not necessarily the quintessential good guy. Sometimes he's just the bad boy that fell down a rabbit hole into "right land." (ie: Angel and Spike from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Jayne from Firefly/Serenity)

If you have yet to enjoy the Broody Boys of entertainment, I do suggest giving them a try. You may have already fallen in love with one, without knowing it. Here's a short list of Broody leading men.

1. Harry Potter. Come on. Sooooo broody.

2. Edward Cullen of Twilight fame. He's a vampire. He can't help it.

3. "Blondie" (Clint Eastwood's character in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly)

4. "Neo" from the Matrix trilogy. Anyone who wears that much black. . .

5. Horatio Cain, CSI: Miami. So the one-liners are cheesy. You can forgive a Broody Boy a fault, can't you?

(Broody Boys mash-up created by me for csibeauty's Why Choose contest on Fanlib.com)

Whedon Drops the Hammer

. . . like he always does. Your watching along, giggling school girl-like in front of your monitor and wondering if the fun will ever, ever stop. Then "Bang!" it happens - the kitschy superhero comedy you were thrilling to turns into some super serious social commentary. I mean, I hate to ruin the movie (don't worry, it's ruin-proof) in oh so cliche fashion, but....she dies in the end.

What? Wait...Why am I surprised? Isn't this why I watch Joss Whedon merchandise? Why, yes it is! I wasn't really expecting anything less from Dr. H's Blog. So how is he still able to shock me like this?

I suppose he's my kind of creator. Please understand, I hate joining fan clubs. They're usually creepy and smell of sweaty junior highers who haven't bathed since they lined up for the attraction last week. But I can't help it. The more I watch Act III of Dr. Horrible, I get this strung out sensation of intimate deeper meaning, while, at the same time, strongly suspecting that his work has no deeper message than what the characters do right in front of my face. It's almost enough to SQUEE. (I said almost - don't push it.)

If you enjoy good screen candy, this is for you. If you want your fiction to have a message - also for you. If you're more like my favorite line from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and you "don't give an ass rats," you still have a comfy place in Whedondom.

(Note from the author, editor, and post master [because they're all me]: I wrote this at 1 am, so feel free to let me know just how kooky and badly written it really is. Seriously. It'll be a good laugh when I wake up. I kid - I'll make corrections as they're needed. Thanks. *cheesy grin and wink here* )